Singing Bowls and Souls

Oh wow, what a few couple of weeks. I've been thoroughly traveling up and down the length of my mood. From happy and excited to nervous and anxious, this is certainly an interesting time to be me.  The tiny house project continues, though more slowly than anticipated. I feel that I was led to believe that it would happen much faster than it has, and that has put some stress on me.  This combined with the fact that I don't have much of a place to sleep has got me all in a fit. However, I did get to do a singing bowl session the other night with my new friends Molly, Tom and Mike. Tom has been doing sound healing for about ten years and he has a dozen singing bowls (big ones!), a few gongs and a few other random devices that create extremely cool sounds.  You lay on the floor with all the bowls and gongs around you while the rest of the group works together to create the sound, striking the gongs and bowls. Now it's not just talking about sounds here, we're talking about vibration, and oh boy do you feel it.  As i laid there during my session I was at first very aware of the feelings, thinking about what I was feeling. As it progressed, I was able to let go of my mind and just feel what I was feeling.  Probably one of the most calming experiences I've ever had and deeply healing. As we are all beings of energy vibrating and a certain frequency, sound can do wonders for our spirits, and mine was definitely uplifted.

Oh yeah! I made a new friend :) Her name is Molly and she's from New Hampshire by way of New York. She came to Portland about 3 months ago and is on a similar spiritual quest, signing up for the Oregon College of Oriental Medicine to study Chinese medicine and acupuncture. We met at a class on intuition held at the New Renaissance Bookshop with Dawn Lianna.  The synchronicity behind Molly is that meeting her was the 3rd instance of Molly in 24 hours for me and for her, she was sitting right next to me (Ben) and a lady named Mary, which happen to be her brother's name and her mother's name. So after the class I asked her if she wanted to go grab coffee and we've been hanging out ever since! It's nice to have someone on a similar path to talk to, she's really awesome. PLUS, we watched the last season of Breaking Bad together, 8 episodes, 2 nights, wonderful. I've been doing lots of emotional and spiritual work lately so sometimes its nice just to relax into an alternate reality. Its kind of a mild form of hypnotism, so I learned from the hypnotherapist (more on that later).

Building houses, community and spirituality

As I sit at the bar/restaurant/diner called the "Tic Tok" the clocks on the wall remind me that time is passing, but they're doing it in a very cute way. There's a fire truck clock, a fish clock, an elephant, a peacock and a weiner dog. I appreciate these funny shapes even though I can't see where the hands of the clock point, but that's okay because I know what time it is, it's now.  Living in the present moment is something I (and many other's on this continent) seem to struggle with. We're either thinking about what happened in the past or planning for what will happen in the future. When really the only thing we know in certainty is the Now, so why worry about the past or be anxious about the future?

Lately I've been building a tiny house in Portland and it's been rather stressful for me. I'm thinking this is because I've never really built anything before and the task just seems monumental! First we did the floor frame, then the frame, now the walls, and next we have to finish the roof, wrap it in tyvek and tar paper and THEN we move to the inside, sheesh! What I've learned is that sometimes it's important to take things one step at a time, focusing on what you're doing and not letting all the details overwhelm. This seems to be another good time to try that "living in the Now" concept, by concentrating the energy on the task at end, maybe I won't get freaked out by all there is to do? Seems reasonable. Here's a picture of our progress to date, it looks like a place I could live in! Well sort of.

Two nights ago I got a little counseling/coaching session from my friend Joel who lives up in Canada. Joel is very knowledgeable about the power of the now moment and he's a pretty good guy to talk to. He helped remind me that at my core I am a spirit/energy, he calls this love, some call it "God" (but I kind of hate that word on account of my prior socialization to conceive of "God" as a large, bearded white man who lives in the clouds). Anywho, as love, my purpose here is to, well, love and do so unconditionally. That's the kicker, unconditionally. The "love" we often seek from our partners and lovers in this society seems to be very conditional.  If you do this, act this way, say these things, then I will love you.  Unconditional love requires that no matter what, I love you, and I do :). For me I've had some problems loving myself unconditionally. I think that I have to accomplish something, be something, fulfill some purpose or potential to be worthy of my own love, not recognizing that my purpose is just to love unconditionally. I've been withholding love from myself because I'm not fulfilling my purpose, which is to love everyone, including myself. So.... I'm withholding love from myself because I am not loving myself. That sounds crazy doesn't it! When I realized it and accepted the fact, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Now I just have to remember it everyday and not fall back into my old patters of conditionally loving myself!

5th Wheelin'

Here I am, sitting in an old 5th wheel trailer in Portland, trying to build a tiny house. Did I see myself here 6 months ago? Certainly not.  Can I see where I'll be 6 months from now? Even more certainly not.  I don't know where I want to go or what I want to do, I simply know I want to be a part of the healing of the world, not partaking in its destruction or sitting idly by while it goes to hell. So I'll build a tiny house, I'll tell people about it, show them there's another option of being. An option that doesn't include debt, that doesn't include as much stuff, that is simpler and more fulfilling. However this has not proven an easy task in that it fills me with much anxiety and doubt. Is this the right path? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Certainly the signs were there, a 33-year old with a catchphrase of 3threetimes and an address of 9631, all divisible by three's and one. I've been noticing the numbers and three's have been the big one, telling me to pay attention and notice whatever is happening around me. Still, this is new territory for me and I tend to worry sometimes. 

On the positive side this is a great opportunity for me to learn, to use my hands, and to build something.  I've never really built something before, and building one's shelter is so basic to survival, we should all be able to do it.  For that I am lucky.  I worry about the money being spent, but really its an investment. An investment in a shelter, in learning how to build; in a place and in myself. 

I'm pot-committed at this point, with too much invested to back out, so here we go, let's build!

Check it out at http://houseoftiny.blogspot.com

Superfooding and Designatedly Driving Drunks

Still staying with my friend "Cara" and things seem to be improving. My energy seems to have spurred a little positive change already when she decided to clean up her bathroom the other night (first time since moving in months ago).  Also, the guy she's been seeing, we'll call him "Dan" also started picking up a little more around the house, energy is contagious and felt by everyone whether they're aware of it or not.

Over the past few days I've made a new friend named Rok who owns Whole Life Superfoods. Rok is a kindred spirit and he thinks we may have worked together previously.  Anywho, I've been helping him organize his stuff, which seems to be one of my talents (coincidentally or not, I'm a Virgo ;).  I love superfoods, check the Google definition:

Rok sells some amazing things like goji berries, incan berries, mulberries, chlorella, spirulina, maca, bee pollen, cashews, etc. The other day I worked for him I actually worked for cashews! I got like a 5-pound bag of them and I've been eating them like it was my job. Dr. Oz says cashews can reduce my risk of colon cancer, which is sweet, but really they are just delicious.

Tonight I was the designated driver on a mission to Portland.  The Washington kids head down to Portland because the bars in Portland close at 2:30 instead of 2 (woohoo!).  We headed to The Spare Room in the NW for some more drinks, since there was of course pre-game shots at the house. Driving drunks is interesting, especially if you don't know where you're going. You have to designate a "captain drunk" and hope they can navigate you there.  Which, given our amazing technological advances, you'd think would be easy, HOWEVER, easier said then done, and drunks can make everything harder.

At The Spare Room a couple of interesting things happened. First, I put a dollar in the video poker machine (usually a money loser) and on my last bet I was dealt a straight so I got up to $2.50.  Realizing that the only way to be successful at gambling is to quit while you're ahead, I quickly cashed out. As I headed over to the bar to collect my winnings, I started chating up the middle-aged black lady and her counterpart who was an older white guy with a huge white beard (and a bald head covered by a ball cap) named Ward.  Turns out it was Ward's birthday just then, as it had just turned 11-10, so I said, "Happy Fuckin' Birthday" and gave him the gambling winnings.  He liked this very much and when I asked him how old he was he dug out his wallet, which was either made of a basketball or just some silly NBA wallet, and showed me his ID. Sure enough, he was born 11-10-1952, making him 61 and also making for some interesting numbers. I tend to notice the numbers, and notice them A LOT these days. Any time there's a set of...

WHOA, as I just wrote that, the power in the whole just shut off, the main breaker just flipped.  Cheryl says that's never happened before and they weren't doing anything to make the breaker flipped, it just did, coincidence? I don't really believe in those.

Back to the numbers, whenever I see a set of three numbers I try to pay attention because it seems to mean something. I usually search "### meaning" in Google and check out the Sacred Scribe Angel Numbers by Joanne and most of the time it jives pretty well with my situation. Now back to Ward, he shows me his ID and sure enough the first three numbers of his ID number are 222.  Let's see what Joanne says about that - "Number 222 has to do with balance, manifesting miracles and new auspicious and timely opportunities." 

Interesting...let's see, I've been struggling with balance lately. I have been going between the extremes of my spirituality and my psychology as of late and I've been having trouble finding a middle ground where both are considered. Either I'm fully focused on my energy and my spirit or I'm totally in my mind, trying to logic everything. Needless to say this doesn't really work, as with all things moderation and balance seem to be the key to success.  I mean, alcohol, sex, drugs, work, play, politics - hell, even moderation must be had in moderation - for example, if you drink you gotta get drunk every once in a while! The trouble lies in the extremes. (P.S. I totally stole that idea from Oscar Wilde, even though not consciously).

It's hard to say the specific miracles I've been manifesting but if we were to speak of "new auspicious and timely opportunities" I've got a few.  First off this whole relationship developing with Rok, who needs with the organizational side of his superfood company. So...he needs help with something I'm good at and his business is involved with something I'm passionate about and it feeds me. Since starting on this path in June, I have become more aware of my body and of the foods that are it's building blocks. I've noticed that as a culture we lack this awareness.  Awareness of what's in our foods, where it's coming from, etc.  This has given me some amount of stress in that sometimes I overthink it and/or end up restricting myself.  My main nutrition goals these days are #1) No dairy (because it's pretty much impossible to digest when pasteurized) and #2) No gluten/wheat (because it's pretty much hard for our bodies to process and we get WAY TO MUCH usually). This is very difficult in our society today! Even though they are not necessary, one or the other or both of these two seem to weasel their way in to over 90% of our going-out food options and, as a nomad, I find myself going out more often than not (no kitchen = hard to cook).  Back to the point of "auspicious and timely" I'd say finding someone to trade work for healthy nutrition helps alleviate my "worry about food" issue and my "worry about money" issue. Damn, I need to eliminate the word "worry" from my vocabulary and go here -

because truly -

Normal?

Yesterday and today have beens spent with an old high school friend, we'll call her Cara. Cara is extremely intelligent and awesome, yet she seems to be struggling in our current societal model.  She works retail and her schedule is all over the place.  She drinks when she has the next day off, she eats hot dogs and hot pockets.  She feels bound to her work and restricted in her dreams.  Sound familiar? It seems many of my Generation (those in their 20's and 30's) are similarly struggling.  Work doesn't pay enough for us to live our dreams, follow our passions, or fill our stomachs in a healthy nourishing way.

In addition, Cara is surrounded by a culture of fear and unhappiness.  Her and her friends talk about people, and work instead of ideas and plans. The shows they watch on T.V. (which is on nearly all the time) only serve to increase the drama of their lives, lowering their vibration.  Crime shows, reality T.V. dramas and Cops, it just seems like a lot of extra stress that could be avoided.  Plus when the T.V. is on the conversation is not, and we lose so much by not talking to each other.

I love Cara, I want her to be successful and happy and fulfilled, but in this current way of living those things are unobtainable.  Instead she, like so many others, will search to fill a hole in themselves with media, substances and sex.  We have to change this.

Portland-ed

After landing in Portland last week I haven't done too many "Portland" activities other than eat some deliciousness from a food truck.  Today changed all that. I started the afternoon with some Ultimate Frisbee, a pretty popular sport in this neck of the woods with a bunch of older guys that were still running me ragged.  Of note is that I met a Peter and a Pete, continuing with the Peter references I've been having lately (well, mostly the Peter Pan references - "Second star to the right and straight on till morning!").

From here I headed to go see the new movie Ender's Game.  I read and loved the book so I thought I would check out the movie.  I enjoyed it, and from it I took away: a) water is a precious resource (it's the reason the whole war started) b) in order to defeat your enemy you must know them so well that you end up loving them and c) that there are other means of communication other than talking, i.e. telepathy, something I think all of us humans have the potential to do, we've just forgotten.

After the movie I wandered downtown and talked to the homeless folk at the Right to Dream Too camp, a homeless facility run and operated by the homeless of Portland located smack dab in the middle of downtown.  Interesting concept, though the couple I met, Pyro and Kate, are both homeless, engaged and pregnant together (with her being bipolar to boot).  Homelessness is certainly a problem in this current society of scarcity and lack (even though we live in a world of abundance).

Next I headed into an arcade bar and played some video games and some pinball, great times. I was also able to order a vegan, gluten-free snack at the bar, damn I love this town.  From there I headed to Voodoo Donuts to get some of their world-famous donuts.  I was stoked to find out that they had vegan donut options! I've been trying to stay away from the dairy as much as possible as it kind of messes with my skin.  After devouring three donuts on the spot I decided to head home.

Before heading home I decided I should do one more Portland activity, go to a strip club. Portland has one of the highest per-capita strip and porn businesses in the U.S. so  I decided that if I saw one on the drive home I would stop and check it out.  Sure enough I passed by Union Jacks and decided to go in.

Strip clubs have always been a little awkward to me, and this was really not that much different in that regard.  However it did have a different vibe then the strip joints I've been to (which is all total I think 3).  It was more like a bar with some strippers than just a strip joint. After paying the $5 cover I stood about awkwardly since I'm not a drinker and observed the scene. There were definitely more girls as customers than in any strip club I'd ever been to, which is a good change from a room full of old dudes.  The mood and energy of the whole place was still pretty awful, with flashing red lights and an atmosphere of taking advantage.  The guys want to take advantage of the girls for their youth and beauty, while the girls want to take advantage of the guys for their money.  After being approached by two dancers soliciting a dance (and me saying no because I wasn't into them), I decided to get a dance from an octopus-tattooed cute brunette who called herself "Pisces."  Since I haven't really had a sex drive in months, it was interesting to be in that situation with a girl again, however fake it might have been. The dance definitely worked, I was intrigued, though we still shared a few laughs and kept it upbeat.  She was nice, I was nice, I think it all worked out.

Yours,

Lotussary