As I sit at the bar/restaurant/diner called the "Tic Tok" the clocks on the wall remind me that time is passing, but they're doing it in a very cute way. There's a fire truck clock, a fish clock, an elephant, a peacock and a weiner dog. I appreciate these funny shapes even though I can't see where the hands of the clock point, but that's okay because I know what time it is, it's now. Living in the present moment is something I (and many other's on this continent) seem to struggle with. We're either thinking about what happened in the past or planning for what will happen in the future. When really the only thing we know in certainty is the Now, so why worry about the past or be anxious about the future?
Lately I've been building a tiny house in Portland and it's been rather stressful for me. I'm thinking this is because I've never really built anything before and the task just seems monumental! First we did the floor frame, then the frame, now the walls, and next we have to finish the roof, wrap it in tyvek and tar paper and THEN we move to the inside, sheesh! What I've learned is that sometimes it's important to take things one step at a time, focusing on what you're doing and not letting all the details overwhelm. This seems to be another good time to try that "living in the Now" concept, by concentrating the energy on the task at end, maybe I won't get freaked out by all there is to do? Seems reasonable. Here's a picture of our progress to date, it looks like a place I could live in! Well sort of.
Two nights ago I got a little counseling/coaching session from my friend Joel who lives up in Canada. Joel is very knowledgeable about the power of the now moment and he's a pretty good guy to talk to. He helped remind me that at my core I am a spirit/energy, he calls this love, some call it "God" (but I kind of hate that word on account of my prior socialization to conceive of "God" as a large, bearded white man who lives in the clouds). Anywho, as love, my purpose here is to, well, love and do so unconditionally. That's the kicker, unconditionally. The "love" we often seek from our partners and lovers in this society seems to be very conditional. If you do this, act this way, say these things, then I will love you. Unconditional love requires that no matter what, I love you, and I do :). For me I've had some problems loving myself unconditionally. I think that I have to accomplish something, be something, fulfill some purpose or potential to be worthy of my own love, not recognizing that my purpose is just to love unconditionally. I've been withholding love from myself because I'm not fulfilling my purpose, which is to love everyone, including myself. So.... I'm withholding love from myself because I am not loving myself. That sounds crazy doesn't it! When I realized it and accepted the fact, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Now I just have to remember it everyday and not fall back into my old patters of conditionally loving myself!
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